This blog is meant as a personal journal to track my spiritual progress on the road to ordination as a Deacon in the Roman Catholic Church. I have decided on this public forum to allow you to know what is involved in becoming a Deacon.
I am 52 and was born and raised a Catholic (aka I am a Cradle Catholic). Like many of my generation I suffered a lapse in faith in my late teens. I came back to the faith in my mid-20’s, but I was hit and miss when it came to going to Mass or doing anything meaningful with the Church. I have two previous marriages that were declared null and void by the Church as I had not been married in the Church either time and I have 9 sons, 5 sons with my current wife.
I credit my wife with bringing me back to regular Mass attendance. For some time I felt an urge, or a call, to become more active in the Church and this urge became stronger after I had a heart attack at the age of 47. For two more years I continued to examine what my role would/should be. One week Father mentioned an upcoming training class for new Eucharistic ministers and Lectors, which I attended. When Father asked me which ministry I would be interested in performing I responded “whichever one you feel you need the most”, hoping in my heart that it would not be Lector. Of course, it was.
But before I could answer one of my fellow parishioners looked at me and said “Permanent Deacon”. While I had toyed with the idea of becoming a Deacon I initially rejected the idea because the thought of being a Deacon scared me. But hearing those words, in the setting of the Church, resonated in my soul as it never before. I started researching the Diaconate and continued to pray for guidance. There were many conflicts in my mind during this process- How was I worthy of such a call? Could I really live a life of continence if my wife were to pass away? My life is all ready hectic and chaotic enough, wouldn’t ordination make this worse? And finally, how do I know that this call that I am feeling is real?
So, baby steps. I became a Lector, although I’ve never been a big fan of public speaking (or reading, which is worse because I can’t pronounce words correctly). In fact, my first reading in Church was at the funeral of my father. Did I tell him before he passed away that I was thinking about the Diaconate? To this day I cannot answer that question. Many discussions with Father followed and he convinced me to put my name in for a seat on the Parish Council. I became a Cathecist (Grade 6). Last year I took the first step to ordination by enrolling in the Institute for Catholic Enrichment (ICE), followed this year by the Lay Apostalate Formation (LAF) program run by the Diocese. This program of instruction ends this year (next week, in fact). Next year I hope to be an Aspirant in the Diaconate program, but the Bishop may decide to wait until there are more candidates. If that happens then I will complete the LAF program by completing a ministry project approved by the LAF board.
The journey has begun and with God’s grace it will end with my ordination as a Deacon. I will use this blog to record my progress and to share with you what is involved in the process. At first we will move back in time to cover the two years of formation that I’ve finished, interspersed with what is going on at the moment.
I still do not feel worthy of the call, I still dread many aspects of the ordained life, and I still wonder why God would call me. At this juncture I am open to responding to God’s will and to live my life in service to Him, however that looks and whatever that means.
Pray for me that I may follow God’s will.
